David Goggins is mostly known as a former Navy SEAL, ultramarathon runner, motivational speaker, and all-around endurance machine. But behind all that tough talk and intense training, Goggins has a funny side too and that's where David Goggins funny quotations comes in.
By looking at his podcast, interview, interviews with his friends, and books, his deadpan sense of humor is obvious. He occasionally drops one-liners that not only make people laugh but also get them contemplating about life.
Not everyone has time to go searching for his humorous sense, so we have made a list of David Goggins' funniest quotes along with some of his funny stories. Get ready to laugh and maybe learn a thing or two about pushing yourself beyond the usual limits!
See David Goggins's Funny Quotes to Enjoy His Humor
Check out David Goggins's funny quotes as this ultra-serious motivational speaker has his moments of humor.
20+ David Goggins Funniest Quotations
Here are 24 of Goggins' funniest quotes, each with a brief explanation to help you appreciate the humor behind his tough-love philosophy:
- “Self-discipline, that's all it is.” (Goggins saying this with a deadpan straight face shows how he can be intense while being funny)
- “I get over everything, water under the bridge. The grind does that. If you’re worried about someone who did something to you years ago, you are not grinding. If I grind hard, I don’t have time to worry about your monkey ass.” (He’s saying if you’re stuck on old drama, you’re not focused enough on your goals.)
- “I always thought ‘Who would have the balls to do this? No one would. Except you. You are the baddest mofo.’ I used it as fuel. Eventually, it became a reality.” (Calling oneself the “baddest” takes some sort of boldness and humor.)
- “The worst thing to believe is, at 40 years old you can't do some things. You start to believe this nonsense. The worst thing is to be civilized. ‘At 40 years old, I'm good’. You’re never good. You’ve never arrived.” (He jokes about how people think they can’t do stuff just because they’re older.)
- “One funny quotation is with his interviewer, where an interviewer asks ‘Did Goggins train today?’ and she completes it by saying that’s like asking if ‘the water is wet’. Goggins asks the next question but even his funny quotations show how driven he is as a person.” (Basically, Goggins is so dedicated that asking if he trained is like asking if water is wet.)
- “I was fat too and it was hard as [curse word] every [ __ ] day to get up. I know what it feels like when you roll your fat ass out of bed and all you want is some [ __ ] damn cinnamon buns and [ __ ] Chuck Chuck and milkshake.” (He’s being real about how tough it is to get up when you’re out of shape and craving junk food.)
- “From then on, I brainwashed myself into craving discomfort. If it was raining, I would go run. Whenever it started snowing, my mind would say, Get your fucking running shoes on.” (He’s funny because he made himself enjoy being uncomfortable.)
- “It’s a lot more than mind over matter. It takes relentless self-discipline to schedule suffering into your day, every day.” (Goggins’ idea of scheduling pain into your daily routine is both extreme and kind of funny.)
- “Like the Taoists say, those that know don’t speak, and those who speak, well, they don’t know jack shit.” (Goggins is poking fun at people who talk a lot but don’t actually know much.)
- “Pain is just a French word for bread stay hard.” (He’s playing with words here, making a joke about pain and bread to keep things light.)
- “Boot camp sucks – SEAL training sucks – but you know what? That's what makes you good.” (He’s humorously embracing how tough training is because it’s what makes you better.)
- “When you tell a recruiter that you're almost 300 pounds and you want to be a SEAL, it doesn't go too well. I got hung up on a lot.” (Goggins is laughing about how people doubted him because of his weight.)
- “I swam underwater for 50 meters at a time and walked the length of the pool underwater, with a brick in each hand, all on a single breath.” (Not exactly a joke, but the image of this feat is wild and funny.)
- “I lived a sloppy life. So I took very small increments in my life. I started making my bed. I started cleaning my room. There were dishes in the sink. It started off with doing small house chores. I saw that the yard needed to be mowed. So instead of being told it needed to be mowed, I would mow it.” (His gradual shift from messy to neat is relatable and a bit funny in its detail.)
- “I'm different than most people. When I cross the finish line of a big race, I see that people are ecstatic, but I'm thinking about what I'm going to do tomorrow. It's as if my journey is everlasting, and there is no finish line.” (He’s joking about how he’s always thinking about the next challenge, even when he finishes a big race.)
- “Self-talk, for me, has been the biggest thing in my life. A lot of us have a dialogue that is crap. It's a crappy dialogue.” (Goggins is poking fun at how most people’s self-talk is pretty negative.)
- “Stay hard… but don’t forget to laugh.” (Even though he’s all about staying tough, Goggins reminds us to keep our sense of humor.)
- “I’d rather you hate me and get better than like me and stay the same.” (Goggins prefers to be disliked if it means pushing people to improve—it’s tough love with a touch of humor.)
- “Tell yourself the truth, or else you’ll live a lie.” (He’s serious about self-honesty, and the idea of “living a lie” can sound a bit dramatic and funny.)
- “Most people quit because they’re lazy. I quit being lazy a long time ago.” (Goggins calls out laziness in a blunt way that’s both funny and true.)
- “The most important conversations are the ones you have with yourself.” (Goggins makes it sound like you should be constantly talking to yourself, which can be funny in the middle of a tough workout.)
- “I want you to suffer. I want your brain to hurt.” (He’s kind of cheering for your discomfort, which is both intense and amusing.)
- “Be uncommon amongst uncommon people.” (Goggins wants you to be the best even among the already exceptional, which is a funny level of pressure.)
- “You don’t know me, son!” (This line is funny because it’s delivered with a challenge, making you laugh at his intense confidence.)
David Goggins’ Funniest Moments
In an interview, Jesse Itzler shared some funny stories from when David Goggins lived with him for 30 days. Here are some of the funniest moments from their time together, told in a super simple, easy-to-read way.
- Pull-Up Exercise
Jesse thought they were just casually seeing how many pull-ups he could do. He did 8 (or maybe more like 4). Goggins then made him do pull-ups every 30 seconds. After struggling to get 1 more pull-up, Jesse figured they were done. But nope, Goggins said, “We’re not leaving until you do 100 more.” Jesse was like, “That’s impossible!” Goggins just looked at him and said, “Your biggest problem is the limits you put on yourself.” And then Jesse spent the next two hours pulling himself up one painful pull-up at a time!
- Running in a Blizzard
One day, there was an emergency broadcast warning everyone to stay inside because of icy conditions and freezing rain. Goggins, of course, saw this as “amazing” and said, “Let’s go for a 10-mile run!” Jesse was like, “Dude, they’re literally telling people to stay inside!” But off they went. After running in a blizzard, Goggins thought it was the perfect time for an ice bath, breaking a hole in a frozen lake. When Jesse finally got in, Goggins warned him, “Don’t touch the ice, or your skin will stick like that kid in A Christmas Story!”
- Steam Room Survival
Jesse considered himself a “sauna guy,” but Goggins took it to another level. He cranked up the steam room to unbearable heat and said they’d stay for 30 minutes with just 8 ounces of water. Jesse, barely 10 minutes in, was like, “I’m gonna pass out!” But Goggins simply said, “You can’t get out.” Jesse barely made it out before collapsing, and Goggins looked at him like, “Oh, you don’t look good, we should probably stop now.”
- The 4 Miles Every 4 Hours Challenge
Goggins had this crazy idea where they would run 4 miles every 4 hours for 48 hours straight. Jesse was like, “I gotta work,” and Goggins was like, “No, you don’t.” So they spent the next two days running every four hours. Jesse would take naps in between runs, only to be woken up at midnight or 4 a.m. to go out and run again. Talk about next-level “I regret this” moments!
- Goodbye, Goggins Style
After 30 days of absolute craziness, you’d expect some heartfelt goodbye, right? Nope. When it was time for Goggins to leave, he left a simple note on a Post-it: “Thanks.” Classic Goggins.
Final words
To sum it up, David Goggins’s funny quotes aren’t just there to make you laugh, they’re also meant to challenge you. All the above funny quotes have some “hidden” yet valuable life lessons. Read them and get to know how tough love with yourself can help you achieve the impossible. Next time you’re about to take it easy, remember that Goggins might just be somewhere, shouting “Stay hard!”
Faqs
1. What are the craziest Goggins feats?
David Goggins, at 47, ran 101 miles in just 19 hours and did 4,030 pull-ups in 17 hours. His daily workout routine is intense and would tire most people just thinking about it.
2. What does David Goggins say a lot?
David often says driven statements like “If you choose to do something, attack it.” and “It's possible to transcend anything that doesn't kill you.”
3. What disabilities does David Goggins have?
David Goggins faced learning challenges like dyslexia and a stutter during school. Despite these struggles and a tough upbringing, he became a Navy SEAL, ultramarathon runner, and motivational speaker.
